So, you are in a same sex relationship

So, you are you in a same sex relationship. And, more than that, perhaps you are thinking of getting married.  Maybe better not to dally. Read on.

The Situation

A couple of months ago, I married a couple who was in a same sex relationship. They are both men and they were and hopefully still are totally and completely in love.  The marriage was a small affair, in a garden setting (outside, because of COVID) , with just a few friends and family members present; It was intimate, joyous.  Yes, the weather was chilly, but the mood was heart-warming.  This is why I so enjoy what I do.  When so much of life can seem corrosive to the soul, this is the other side of life.  The good side.  Love, and the sharing in that love are what make life worth living.  Can you think of a better profession than marrying people who are in love?

That couple  told me something. It got me to thinking.  It was during and after one of our Zoom planning meetings.  The couple said that they had been thinking of getting married for a while. The deciding factor was the change in our nation’s political climate.  They were marrying in the very early spring. That’s when temps can be uncertain. They were marrying then, because they feared that same sex marriages might soon be outlawed.   

After our conversation, I spent some time reflecting on that.  What if what that couple feared actually DID come to pass?  And worse, maybe, although not being able to marry the love of your life is bad, bad, bad– what if same sex marriages that have already been legally certified, suddenly became null and void?  Think of the hearts broken, the lives altered, the children affected, since many same sex married couples eventually have children. Surely, that couple was being overly cautious.  Could not happen. Not in America. 

The Situation worsens

Just this week I read a newspaper editorial by Jonathan Capehart.  He himself is in a committed, married relationship with a man.  https://www.google.com/search?q=jonathan+capehart&oq=Jonathan&aqs=chrome.0.69i59j69i57j35i39j46i433i512l2j46i131i433i512j46i131i433j46i512l2j46i433i512.4166j0j15&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8 He writes about how, with the expected Supreme Court ruling on abortion, that new law might be used as precedent for others.   A Supreme Court ruling  that does not protect a woman’s right to choose,  could give states the authority to outlaw not just abortion, but also same sex marriages, and even interracial marriages. 

Should such restrictive state laws be instituted, these laws would most likely  flip-flop, depending on which party was in power in that state.  So, for instance, in Virginia, we might have restrictive laws when Republicans are in office, but non-restrictive laws when Democrats lead.  All would be chaos as people moved from one state to another every few years to avoid restrictive, life-altering laws.  Rather than red states and blue states, we would have in this country,  right to choose, same sex, interracial marriage states and pro-life, heterosexual-marriage, non-interracial marriage states.  What I thought was absurd, or very unlikely in March, I am now afraid might actually come to pass.

We are living in strange times certainly.  I fear for all our lives, because laws like the ones I just imagined, do not just affect a few people, they affect us all.  Love may be between two people, but love is also communal.  We all share in the love and joy that a couple enjoys, at least those of us with open hearts and minds. Just to reiterate, that is why I so enjoy being an officiant.  

A Resolution of Sorts?

So, if you are in a same sex relationship, and if you are thinking about getting married, maybe better not to dally. In fact, the pressure is on.  Maybe you aren’t ready for marriage yet, but the alternative is, you might never be able to marry at all.  It’s a sad, sad possibility.