Saving your Marriage Before it Begins-Engagements and Texting

Dear engaged couples—As you probably know, I also do a fair amount of premarital counseling.  For this blog, I have put on my premarital counselor hat. Was talking with an engaged couple last week, and one thing that came out of that meeting bears repeating.  The male half of the engaged couple said that early in their relationship they learned that engagements and texting don’t mix.  .  He said that the problem is that when they texted each other, so often the reading of the text was taken out of context.   He didn’t elaborate but I can just imagine.  Say, you are angry at the boss.  You text your loved one, “Hate my

boss.  I quit.”  You don’t mean it.  It was written in a brief moment of barely controllable rage.  But your sweetheart on the other end, may just think, “He quit!?  Guess we’re going to have to find a cheaper apartment/call off that vacation trip to Florida/won’t be getting a new car.  No way he’s going to find a new job in the next few months.” She is confused and worried.  Her heart is racing.  Maybe she forgets to show up at an important meeting because she is so preoccupied with gloomy thoughts.   Had you taken the time to sit down at the computer and draft, even a brief e-mail,  your head might have cooled, and you would have worded your transmission differently:  “Just had an argument with my boss.  Don’t know where he’s coming from sometimes.  Almost threatened to quit.”   Or, if you had phoned your beloved, she could have asked some pertinent questions that would have cleared up what turned out to be an understandable misinterpretation of your text message.

 Some engaged or married couples have promised to NOT text each other; with good reason!

He:  It’s gonna be awhile.   

And then there is the timing issue.  Maybe you’ve seen the T mobile Jump TV commercial? Guy sitting at a café.  Girlfriend walks over with her arm in a sling and curses him for not coming to her rescue.  She says, “I texted you a hundred times.”  As she is leaving, he hears the telltale “Ding, ding, ding.”  He’s receiving those text messages that she sent several hours previously:   “Broke my arm.”  “On my way to hospital.”  Enough to break up a relationship, right?