I know exactly how it is. In fact, just this morning I was talking to a soon-to-be-mother-of –the bride. Her older daughter got married several years ago. Now her younger daughter is tying in the knot—in June. She said, “I promised myself that I wouldn’t get caught up in those pesky little details this go ‘round. Who really cares anyway, if we can’t use hydrangeas in the wedding bouquet unless we pay a fortune because it is the wrong time of year, or if the shoes my daughter intends to wear are a millimeter too tall or too short, the hang of the necklace competes with the neckline of her wedding dress or the center pieces at the reception are a tad too blue?” And yet, those things DO matter, don’t they? They matter for the mother-of-the-bride and for the bride especially. I don’t know why the-father-of-the- bride and the groom don’t get so caught up in the details, but in my experience, it seems they usually don’t. Before you know it, though, the women involved are sucked big time into a seemingly bottomless vortex of decisions and indecisions . And this wedding planning was going to be oh so simple, and enjoyable even? AGH!Here is your reality check. Please, please, please remember to be grateful. Be grateful that you have friends and family members who are making time and monetary sacrifices for your special day; grateful that the folks you have hired are working in your best interest, and that they probably are not getting paid that much to do what they consider important and joyful work (we’re talking florists, photographers, dj’s, musicians and your officiant—me!). Personally, I hate “to do” lists, but I’m offering this” to do” list anyway, as an easy way to get you thinking. Follow these simple suggestions to ensure that you come off as a gracious rather than a high strung mother-of-the-the bride and “monster-in-law of the groom. And Bride–follow these “to do’s” if you want people to remember you as something other than a bridezilla:
DO keep your appointments or call if you must break them (in other words, the same courtesy you would expect from others.)
DO think through carefully whose feelings you might be hurting when you invite people to be part of your wedding ceremony. If you ask your best friend to be your maid of honor, will your sister be disappointed? If your parents are divorced will your mom feel left out if only your dad walks you down the aisle?
DO ask your officiant to thank your guests for coming—this should happen at the beginning of the service. If folks have traveled long distances, you might have your officiant mention that fact, too.
DO consider pausing during the service so that those who are separated from you by geography or through sickness or death can be prayed for or remembered.
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| Outdoor wedding at Blue Mountain Brewery The bride and groom saved one chair as a memorial. to those who could not be present |
DO consider having pictures present at the wedding or reception of those who cannot be part of your special day. Note: A couple I married last year invited the Queen of England, Elizabeth, to their wedding. Her Highness actually wrote them a letter regretting that she would be unable to make the trip. The couple saved a chair for her, nevertheless, with her picture on the seat. Funny, yes, but this could absolutely be done in a more serious context for Brother Bill who is away serving his country, or Aunt Minny who is on a cruise and can’t be present.
DO consider hiring or appointing a friend to serve as a videographer to record your special day for those unable to attend.
DO make sure that the rehearsal starts on time, and ends on time, and that those at the rehearsal are in good form (they have not been drinking before the rehearsal). This will make your officiant, your wedding planner and your musician(s) very happy.
DO make sure that you and the photographer have decided on a time-line for after-wedding pictures. Those after-wedding pictures should take no more than 20 minutes—remember your guests are waiting to congratulate you!
DO make sure that you and the photographer have decided on a time-line for after-wedding pictures. Those after-wedding pictures should take no more than 20 minutes—remember your guests are waiting to congratulate you!
DO consider writing thank you notes or e-mails to all those involved in making your day so special. That goes for your florist and your musicians, but also your parents and other family members, wedding party members, etc.
Well, that’s an uneven 9 “to-do’s.” I do not like uneven numbers. So maybe number 10 on your to-do list should be ENJOY yourself, even if there is a lot to be done. It will be memorable, I promise.
Your Wedding Preacher
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