Dear Engaged Couple,
No you really won’t offend me if you are thinking, “I don’t have a minister, and I don’t want a religious wedding anyway. But I really don’t really want an officiant to marry us, either. I mean, an officiant doesn’t know me or my partner. An officiant isn’t going to make things personal. Then, too, I’m already paying a bundle for wedding venue. We certainly don’t need to be spending any more money. I think I’ll just get our friend, Bruce to do the honors. He’s a good speaker and he loves to perform—why he was the lead in our high school musical. I bet he’d do it. He’d be great.”
No, you really won’t offend me if that is what you are thinking. And, it’s all in all not a bad idea. Laws in Virginia make it possible for Bruce to do the honors, for just these reasons. Be advised, though, that getting a one-time permit is a hassle. Bruce will have to appear in person at the clerk’s office of a Virginia circuit court and there’s no guarantee that his permit will come in a day—sometimes there is lag time. But, all in all, it may seem like a good path to follow. Like I said, I understand. I really do. But hear me out, ok? For one thing, sure Bruce is a great guy, but will he plan enough ahead to make the necessary trip to the Circuit Court? Is he willing to do the research and preparation necessary to “do” the service? There’s more to officiating than asking, “do you take this woman to be your wife;” or telling some stories about how you and your fiancée fell in love. There’s a flow to the thing—a greeting, a reading, the exchange of rings, the exchange of vows, a prayer or two (if you are religious). And there’s a certain je ne sais quoi, call it a solemn ambiance that must be created, so that the service doesn’t come off looking like a joke.
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| Bruce working on your wedding service |
Then, too, I have discovered, in my own life, that many people, when given the opportunity to speak in public, can’t help but express their political views; or tell some funny jokes. Looseness is ok, a conversational manner is ok, but a standup comedy routine is definitely out of place.
Finally, leading a rehearsal is no fun and games. Sometimes I feel like a drill sergeant—“Will everyone quiet down?” This may be the first time that some people in the wedding party have seen each other in a very long time, and of course they want to exchange hugs and handshakes all around—HOWEVER, usually there is a rehearsal dinner to follow, so time is of the essence, else the turf and surf get cold. Is Bruce willing to take on that drill sergeant role? So, please, please think twice before forgoing the hiring of a professional. The officiant is important right? At least as important as the florist and the musician(s) you select for your special day.
Happy wedding planning! Wedding Preacher for Hire
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