Dear engaged couple,
I tell you this story, not to scare you, but to sooth your nerves. No matter how brutal your wedding planning—the miscommunications, the double bookings, out-of-control expenses–it will probably never be the nightmare experienced by a couple I married last weekend. The couple, is a young, bright, energetic duo who already at this stage in their life together has taken on major responsibilities: a house, two dogs, two cars, and two careers. In other words, this couple is not naïve—I would call them mature, thoughtful, well-organized, and sensible. And yet, things did not go well for them as they made and then RE-made plans for the wedding.
I got a desperate e-mail from the couple several weeks before the wedding: “Can you marry us? Our pastor backed out at the last minute” As it turned out I did have the evening free, and so, of course, I agreed to meet with them. At our first meeting—at a Starbucks in Charlottesville– they expressed no ill will toward the clergy person that was, however, they didn’t have warm happy feelings for their venue. Although they reserved space for their wedding there over six months ago, it had overbooked and they were out. The venue had admitted its error, and was happy to find them a different venue. But the whole thing left them angry and hurt. The crises continued to mount during the two weeks left to them to plan their ceremony. Was this bad karma, or omens of worse things to come? Perhaps it was NOT written in the stars that these two should marry. 
The baker responsible for the wedding cake backed out. Don’t know why. A family friend stepped in and offered to bake the cake—which she did-artistically, too. But that was not all. The photographer cancelled on them. Again, I don’t know why. The couple found another photographer on Craig’s List. Finally, the bride and groom wanted to have a sand ritual as part of their ceremony. To find out more about sand ceremonies, see last week’s blog. The bride found an online site that actually provides colored sand, the two smaller containers and the one large container. She ordered the entire set, but alas, by the week of the wedding, the set had still not arrived. She learned that somehow her order had been “lost.” She was prepared to make a trip to Michael’s if it did not arrive by the day of the rehearsal. Happily, it did arrive in time. Despite all the cancellations, the double booking, the lost order, all’s well that ends well. The wedding was outside at a winery in Charlottesville. It had rained every evening the week leading up to the wedding, but that Saturday evening there was nary a cloud in the sky. The ceremony went off without a hitch, the dj was wonderful, the music selections awesome, the table decorations fantastic, and everyone was very, very happy. So, what lessons are to be learned here? How about:
“Adversity, and perseverance and all these things can shape you. They can give you a value and a self-esteem that is priceless.” I didn’t make that up. I found it on brainy quotes. It’s by someone named Scott Hamilton.
Or, if you prefer something with a more religious bent, how about this, by evangelist Charles Spurgeon: “By perseverance the snail reached the ark.” The couple is now married, and happily so, I hope. They deserve to be!
From your wedding preacher
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