The Myers Briggs Test
Dear Engaged Couple—I offer premarital counseling. I do that because I want to do my best to make sure that your marriage LASTS. I have only once refused to marry a couple, but there are some (very few) couples I have married with trepidation. They are so in love with each other, but I see dark, ominous storm clouds on the horizon. This is subjective, I know, but in my estimation, they just don’t seem to match up.
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| The Myer’s Briggs is not a parlor game |
And so I offer pre-marital counseling to ease my conscience. I hope that they take advantage. I offer the counseling as an opportunity for them to talk to each other about their values, their life histories, their different ways of looking at the world. This may sound dangerous, I know. I mean, by the time couples come to me, they have already put down a deposit on their wedding venue. They really don’t want to find out at that late date that they are not suited for one another. Then again, if they don’t make their opinions, views, differences known before the marriage, it may be too late. Betty Friedan says it most clearly. “Speak up, speak up, speak up! The only person you’ll scare off is your future ex-husband!” (or future ex-wife).
Taking the Myers Briggs personality inventory is one way to get the conversation started between the soon-to-be bride and groom. No, the Myers Briggs test has nothing to do with astrology or crystal ball reading. It is based on the work of the world renowned psychologist Karl Jung. And it was developed over several decades—it’s way more than a parlor game. It’s not the last word on whether a couple is made-for-each-other, but it does surface what could become issues down the road.
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| She knows how to party. |
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| He prefers to stay home and watch the game on TV |
So, say she is all about domesticity and he’s an explorer. You see how that could cause problems—or not—. If they are willing to learn from each other, appreciate each other, then this could actually be a good thing. She makes sure they have a lovely home for entertaining; he whisks her off to a tropical island, or on a mountain-climbing expedition once or twice a year. Or say he hates parties and small talk and loves his time alone and she’s a party-hearty type gal. Again, you see how this could either enhance or be the bone of contention in a relationship. She may feel imprisoned in her own home—especially on weekends, when he wants only to plant himself in front of the TV. Then again, if his job requires attending the occasional dinner party, he may learn to lean on her—to appreciate the ease with which she gets conversations started, and maintains important business relationships for HIM.
Chances are they already know each other’s personalities well. But you know how it is. She considers him a work in progress. He thinks that she will eventually “get over it.” Just who are they kidding?
If you don’t want to sit through pre-marital counseling sessions, I understand. I really do. But at least avail yourself of the tools that are readily available on the web. Take the test, both of you and then sit down together and TALK. Really TALK. You might try http://psychology.about.com/od/psychologicaltesting/a/myers-briggs-type-indicator.htm.
Good luck and God bless.
Your wedding preacher for hire
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