This morning, the 250th anniversary of our country, I am reminded of the great diversity of people in this United States. A map of the US in a national newspaper proved as much—depicted were pockets of people from Ireland, Scotland, Yemen, Mexico, Cuba, Puerto Rico, Greece, and the list goes on. All of these people practice different traditions, but they are the same in one regard—they love. We’re talking about love of couples, love of families, and even a love of the “other–” that is, a love for those of us who do not share the same language or culture. At least, that is what I experienced officiating at a wedding for a couple with roots in India.
I did not have an opportunity to find out about how they and some of their family landed here in this country, and in Richmond, VA, but it is clear—their move here is recent-there is a lilt to their soft-spoken English, a musical cadence.
In the lead up the wedding, the bride, groom and I worked on drafting a service that would honor their culture, and at the same time include some distinctly American elements. We don’t think about American “cultural wedding elements” much–but of course, we have them—that is, traditions not Christian, not Jewish, but just “American”: It is an American tradition that the bride walks down a center aisle accompanied by a family member. The officiant asks, “Who presents this woman in marriage?” There is an exchange of vows, an exchange of rings and at the end, “You may kiss the bride!” The newly arrived Indian couple enthusiastically incorporated these into their own wedding service.
Other service elements delightfully reflected the couples’ culture. The couple decorated their hands with intricate henna designs.
We began the service with the exchange of garlands. Probably the most moving part of the service was a song—sung by the bride’s mother, and written by the bride’s grandfather, who alas, could not join us from his home in India. The mother sang the lyrics in that same lilting Indian dialect. The song was no doubt touching to the guests, as it was also for the officiant (ME!).
One element that was not part of the service—was the Mangal Sutra. I learned from the couple during wedding planning, that it is a necklace that the groom traditionally ties to the bride’s neck. Symbolically, it protects the couple and their family from evil. Before the service, the groom tied the Mangal Sutra on the bride’s neck privately-immediately before the service. https://share.google/RUHqk70zeK5CSIq2E
The service took place in the couple’s apartment. It was beautifully decorated with flowers, and fabrics. The women wore flowing colorful, silk, floor-length dresses. Some of the men wore Nehru collared jackets—others wore sports coats. The groom wore western garb and the bride wore a lovely rose colored gown—metaphor for their marriage—a uniting of traditions.
I began this blog by mentioning love. It was evident throughout. Not only did the couple demonstrate their love for each other but also love for their families. The bride’s deceased father was mentioned during the service and his photo graced the living room wall.
I also felt loved. I was deluged with gifts—candy, and trinkets representing their culture, a gold-woven shawl—me, the one non-Indian at the event. How extremely touching.
I am blessed to have been part of this service- a true celebration of love. Yes, love is a human trait. Let us appreciate and grow THAT moving forward in this country.
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